Don’t take yourself so seriously

We think dualistically these days. One thing is bad; another good. One political candidate is evil; another is good (or less evil). All Muslims are terrorists; all Americans are good. Everything is black-and-white.

We think with our reptilian brain — the fight, freeze or flight brain. Forget facts, forget logic, just be afraid. Be very afraid. Politicians have done a masterful job of manipulating us on this level since 9/11. Today political candidates exploit the same fears. Adolph Hitler was a master manipulator of these fears. We retreat to our lizard brain, our most primitive brain. (Scientists now say that humans have five brains, with the most advanced being the “brain of the heart.”)

Adolescents and children learn to think on the lizard brain level; indeed, it is probably necessary for their safety. But we adults need to move beyond fight/flight/good/evil duality. The best way to outgrow 24/7 dualism is to meet with someone you’re afraid of — a homeless person, say — and talk/listen to them. I predict that your stereotype will melt away. It has happened to me many times over my 75 years.

A friend of mine, as a high school girl, was walking in a small town with her mother. Across the street they saw a cheerleader from a rival school. My friend told her mother that this girl had gotten pregnant. Her mother replied, “What makes you think that couldn’t happen to you?” She frequently advised her children to put themselves in the other person’s shoes.

Jesus told his hearers, “You’d better remove that log from your eye before you help your friend removed the speck in his eye.” The hearers no doubt laughed at the comparison, and then were offended when they got his meaning.

Dualistic people objectify. We project bad qualities onto others — “those terrorists are violent. They hate others. They are animals.” It has been written that we dislike in others what we don’t like in ourselves. When I was a boy, we had a saying, “When you point a finger at someone, you are pointing three fingers at yourself.”

Most of us think dualistically. One path toward change is letting our ego (“sin”) go. I asked a spiritual director why I was having troubled dreams. He laughed and said, “your subconscious [soul] is telling you not to take yourself so seriously.” I am still working at letting my ego go, through prayer, reading, worship and conversations with co-travelers.

Bottom line: we don’t need to take ourselves so seriously. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Talk to someone you don’t like. Say as the Virgin Mary said to the angel, “Let it be with me according to your word.” Receive.